Not In That Way
by love-h8 relationship
Summary: Loving your best friend but knowing they could never love you the same way must be hard.


**A/N: not many words for this all I can say is well I can relate and um Artie can walk just cause and I apologize in advance for my errors**

_And I hate to say I love you _

_When it's so hard for me_

I looked up at the ceiling fan as it spun in a circle countless times. I thought about him more frequently these days, we spent so much time together, so it was impossible for me not to think about him. He is always spending time at my house, he might as well live here. He was here yesterday and we watched a romantic movie. Although he is a bit of a nerd and more into Star Wars movies, he still has his romantic side to him.

I silently watched as the main character confessed his love to the female lead. _If only it were that easy in real life_, I thought. I reflected, in my mind, on all the things I could say to him. A simple _Sam, I love you _could have gotten my point across clearly. Sadly for me, it is just to hard to say those three small words.

_And I hate to say I want you _

_When you make it so clear_

_You don't want me_

When the movie was over the first thing that came to his mind was food. He jumped off the couch and went straight to the kitchen and flicked the light on. He opened the fridge and frowned, disappointed to see he had very few choices.

"Ok, we can just order some food." he shut the fridge door. "What do you want, Artie."

_I want you_, is what I wanted to say. I knew I couldn't because it was very clear Sam definitely didn't want me. He was a flirt, but not with me. He flirted with girls all the time in front of me, sometimes it felt like he did it on purpose. I know that's ridiculous, but it could be true.

"Pizza." is what I had settled for.

_I'd never ask you cause deep down _

_I'm certain I know what you'd say_

I got up and walked to the kitchen and stood away from him. _Sam, do you love me? _The thought echoed in my head repeatedly. I had a great urge to ask him those very words, but I knew what response I would receive.

_You'd say I'm sorry believe me_

_I love you but not in that way_

_Of course I love you, you're my best friend, _is what he would say, not knowing that's not what I meant. I know he loves me because I'm his best friend. That's the only way I would ever get him to say those three words to me.

_And I hate to say I need you_

_I'm so reliant _

_I'm so dependent_

_I'm such a fool_

Last week I got sick and I looked absolutely awful, and I had acted like the baby I know I am. I could barely do anything for myself and the one person who was there for me was Sam. He helped me with everything and pretty much nursed me back to health, he even slept in the same bed with me to make sure I was alright. He didn't even care if he would get sick, he just wanted to help me.

I looked over at Sam sleeping next to me. _I wish you knew how much I need you. _I knew he would be there to make sure I ate if I was hungry or if I was uncomfortable he would fix my pillows to make sure I was comfortable. I also knew I was a fool for always relying and depending on him, even for small things like that.

_When you're not there_

_I find myself singing the blues_

I stopped looking at the ceiling fan and got out of the bed. I hopped in the shower and started singing. It was times like these when I wished Sam was around. I let the sad sounds that I sang echo against the walls bouncing back to me. I allowed myself to get lost in the depressing songs that I sang as I showered.

_Can't bear _

_Can't face the truth_

I turned the shower off and rested my head against the wall. I shut my eyes tightly, almost wanting to cry. I knew that I would never be able to have him, but I just couldn't face the truth. I loved him so much and I wanted him so badly. I would never be able to face the fact that I can't have him.

_You will never know that feeling_

_You will never see through these eyes_

The doorbell rang and I got dressed quickly because I knew the person ringing it wasn't patient. I went and opened the door and was greeted with green eyes and a beautiful set of white teeth.

"Hey, Artie." Sam patted me on the shoulder and walked in.

"Hi." I shut the door and walked behind him.

Sam turned to me and studied my body. He looked at my face and frowned. "What's wrong?"

I looked Sam in the eyes. I could see he was upset and worried. Even though he felt that way, he would never know the pain and hurt that I harbored in my own eyes. Seeing him so happy all the time, he could never know the emotional pain that I feel. The very reason I feel this pain is because I love him so much.

_I'd never ask you _

_Cause deep down I'm certain I know what you'd say_

"Nothing." was the answer I gave him.

"Are you sure, I'm worried about you."

_Sam, do you love me? _I wanted to ask him. _No, are you in love with me?_ I knew that I couldn't ask him those words.

_You'd say I'm sorry_

_Believe me_

_I love you_

_But not in that way_

_I love you, just not in that way. _I knew if I asked that would most likely be the answer I would receive. The answer that would break my heart. I looked down trying my hardest not to cry. I didn't want him to worry too much about me.

I swallowed back my tears and answered. "I promise I'm fine."

_You'd say I'm sorry_

_Believe me_

_I love you _

_But not in that way_

Sam walked over to me and hugged me. _I love you, just not in that way. I'm really sorry. _I let the words ring through my head over and over again.

"Artie, you don't have to try to be so _together _all the time."

When he said that, I allowed myself to completely break down. Whenever I was around him I became weak. He was my weakness, whether I liked it or not. _I love you, just not in that way. _I knew what I felt was just one-sided love and that's all it would ever be. The thing about one-sided love is that everyone has a container for it. I try to keep my container empty because once it overflows, who knows what would happen.

_I love you, just not in that way._


End file.
